Not a G4RL, not yet a woman

Why did you stop blogging?

Crossroads, the 2002 coming-of-age drama starring Britney Spears, is also where I found myself at the tail-end of last year. G4RL exceeded all of my expectations. There’s a time for  bragging and that time is now, baby. Between June and December 2018, I was profiled in The Panoptic, approached by a well-known women’s magazine and nominated in two categories for the UK Blog Awards.  My words featured in print for Conker magazine and Drawn Poorly Zine. Not bad for a girl with nothing but a broken heart and the word ‘REALISTIC’ written on a napkin.

But I needed to grow beyond the internet-walls of blogging.

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Owing to a series of unfortunate events, I’ve missed three booked holidays in two years. What a decadent mistake! What a costly error! What an expensive fuck-up!

Accompanying the financial loss, grief and shame was FOMO: Fear of Missing Out. FOMO, like respecting diversity, or not hacking dead children’s phones, is something Piers Morgan would balk at: “These millennials with their pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences without them. Back in my day, we’d quietly enjoy our trench foot at home.”

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Falling in love with poetry & C-PTSD (Conker magazine)

I fell in love. I had an orgasm. So I wrote about it.

Recently, I’ve been allowing greater vulnerability into my life. I hold the steadfast belief that without vulnerability, there can be no realistic love. I broke out of my comfort zone and challenged myself to write a truly uncensored expression of love. So here’s a collection of poems on building new expectations of romance and having orgasms.

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Sexual Confidence & Messy Minds

Content note: reference to rape & PTSD 

Welcome back to G4RL’s collaborative posts with ‘Sexual Confidence & Messy Minds’. Allow me to introduce Abigail, relationship development manager and commander of pub conversations on sexuality.

At G4RL, we want what your grandmother always wanted for you: a right, royal rogering. Regrettably, it’s come to our attention that some of you are having bang average sex. We need to open up a conversation about sexual confidence and your precious, chaotic minds.

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One Year Later

Immediately, you regret angrily throwing out the lingerie. Well-fitting lingerie might be as rare as enduring love.

Later, you’ll question ripping up your sketch of him too. You had drawn him from a photograph, smiling in serenity, resting topless in your lap. Those two objects signify who you truly are: sensitive, sensual and strong. Those qualities belong to you. They are yours to treasure and share with the world. These are your gifts, even if they were once viewed through someone else’s eyes.

The balance of perspective takes time.

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