If you think about feet for too long, they start to look really strange. Why do we have this other pair of hands at the bottom of our legs? Why is my second toe stepping out of line and acting like it’s the big toe? Who are these people picking up pens with their toes and how do we kick them out of our homes?
The same is true of love. Stay with me.
Continue reading “I’m Falling in Love and I’m Scared”
Everybody lies sometimes. Ed Sheeran, Omid Djalili, the guy who voices C-3PO, they’ve all lied. Even I, a perfect angel, have told a lie in my life. That being said, I’m a laughably bad liar. I can’t look someone in the eye and lie convincingly without getting flustered, or spinning a yarn about being late because a raccoon stole my shoes.
Continue reading “You’re Lying to Yourself”
Once upon a time, a man turned to me after sex, looked deeply into my eyes and said, “Y’know Nikki, you should really get a boyfriend”. It was late, but I told him I’d see what I could forage from the dumpster in the morning. Prince Charming’s throwaway statement reveals so much about how we view sexually liberated, content, unattached women. I didn’t want to be this man’s girlfriend. I didn’t want to be any man’s girlfriend. I wanted to be single.
Continue reading “I Want to be Single”
If I know memes (and believe me, I know memes), we’re supposed to hate our exes. Your ex-boyfriend is trash. Don’t pick up the phone; he’s just calling because he’s drunk and alone. Based on my extensive research, most people don’t actually loathe their exes. The majority of relationships fall apart in a slow, sad and confusing way. There are more shades of grey than a poorly written Twilight fan-fiction.
Continue reading “I’m Hung Up on My Ex”
Content note: psychological abuse, gaslighting
I’ve been called a lot of things over the years. Somebody recently described me as “brazen, enchanting and doting”, which I would like to formally request as my epitaph, many thanks. The year is 2017 and I don’t need to tell you that ‘crazy’ is an inherently problematic term which minimises the reality of struggling with mental illness. It’s a lazy adjective and about as good-natured as Nigel Farage and Katie Hopkins’ imaginary lovechild.
Continue reading “They Called Me ‘Crazy’”
Content note: self-harm, eating disorders
I experience severe pre-menstrual syndrome. Put your eyeballs back in their sockets lads, you’re reading a blog called GIRL (if you squint a bit). A few days before my period arrives, as well as the usual headaches and irritability, I no longer recognise myself. My self-esteem fluctuates as wildly as the pound post-Brexit. I look in the mirror and think “who replaced my body with dough” and “why has my face been crudely covered with a Halloween mask”. Days earlier, I was the figurative belle of the figurative ball.
Continue reading “I Don’t Feel Comfortable in My Body”